Divorce is tough enough on its own, but a divorce with minor children involved is even tougher.
Telling your kids that their parents are separating is one of the hardest conversations you could face. You’ll be worried and nervous about what to say, but you’ll have to talk to them about it at some point. It’s important to approach things carefully and thoughtfully as it can have a huge impact on them.
In this guide, we’ll go over some suggestions that could help make this conversation easier. Keep reading to learn more.
Plan What You’ll Say
Plan with your spouse how and when you’ll tell your children you’re getting a divorce. You don’t want to rush into this conversation without thinking about it first. A lot of emotions will be involved in the whole divorce, and if you let them get the better of you, it could make things worse.
If talking to your spouse is very difficult, you could get the assistance of a divorce coach or counselor. Avoid doing it around a special time such as a birthday or holiday. Try to do it when there’s plenty of time to talk, so not before school or just before bed, for example.
Talk to Your Children Together
For some couples, this can be very difficult, but it’s a better way to show your kids that you’re still both committed to being their parents. It’s also best if they hear it from their parents first rather than someone else who heard it first.
You could talk to your older children separately if need be. If talking to them together isn’t an option, you could seek help to develop a suitable plan.
Develop a Non-Blaming Narrative
In a rough divorce, it could be tempting to assign blame. This can make it harder for children who are coping with divorce. It may make your children feel like they need to take sides which isn’t healthy.
Using “we” is a simple way to provide support. For example, “We aren’t happy together anymore” is far better than saying you’re not happy with their other parent.
Tell Your Kids Why It’s Happening
Be honest with your kids, but you don’t have to provide specific details. They’re likely to press for information so they can understand why this is happening. Listen to them and acknowledge them as they’re going to be confused and upset.
While you may not want to share too many details, you should give them an explanation. Bear in mind that children typically can’t understand the issues that married couples experience, so try your best to explain it in a way that will make sense to them.
If the two of you are not in agreement as to the issues of custody and visitation, do not involve your children in that dispute. Let them know that each of you love them and will always be there for them and that decisions will be made in their best interests.
Children and Divorce Is Never Easy
While children and divorce can be difficult to navigate, it’s important to support your child (or children) throughout the whole process. Plan things out and explain why it’s happening to them. Do this together as a family if possible.
Divorce is ultimately a legal process, so you’ll likely want a qualified lawyer to help you through things. Doerner, Saunders, Daniel & Anderson, LLP is a professional family law firm that has been serving clients in Oklahoma since 1896. Call us in our Tulsa office at (918) 582-1211 or in our Oklahoma City office at (405) 319-3500, if you’re ready to discuss your divorce and schedule a consultation.
