While divorce is never an easy decision to make, it can be the best option for anyone who feels that their needs are not being met in their relationship. By understanding the reasons why divorce is occurring, you are better able to address those issues and create more equitable, fulfilling partnerships in the future.
To accomplish this outcome, you must be focused. Resolutions help us focus. Every year, 38.5% of US adults make New Year’s resolutions and it’s a great time to get a fresh start. For newly divorced people or those still going through a divorce, resolutions can help with reevaluating your life and setting positive goals.
What should you focus on? For every person, it will be different. However, resolutions should consider two perspectives: (A) self-care and (B) care of your child(ren) through parenting goals. For the recently divorced or soon “to-be” divorced, it’s out with the old and in with the new you.
Care of Yourself
Take time to self-assess. If you do not take the time to understand how you got to this place in your relationship, then you are almost guaranteed to repeat it. So, make a resolution to answer these two questions: How did I get here and what do I have to do to make sure I am never here again?
The questions are easy. The answers are hard. Make a commitment to accomplish the hard work. Your next relationship will appreciate it and so will you.
Practice acceptance. Acceptance involves acknowledging your situation’s reality and letting go of any resistance or denial. It may not be easy, at first, but accepting that your marriage has ended can help you move forward with clarity and peace.
Accept your emotions. It’s natural to feel a wide range of emotions during this challenging time – whether it’s anger, sadness or confusion. Allow yourself to experience these feelings without judgment or guilt. Embrace them as part of your healing process.
Accept that you cannot change the past. Instead, focus on accepting the present moment and making choices that align with your values and goals.
Accept that life goes on after divorce. Recognize that this is an opportunity for growth and new beginnings. By practicing acceptance, you open yourself to new possibilities and pave the way for a brighter future.
Focus on the future. When going through a divorce, it’s easy to get caught up in the pain and resentment of the past. However, one of the most important resolutions you can make is to focus on the future. By shifting your mindset towards what lies ahead, you can create a brighter and more fulfilling life for yourself.
Stay on top of your finances. Staying on top of your finances is crucial when going through a divorce. This can be a challenging and overwhelming task, but by taking control of your financial situation, you can set yourself up for success in the future.
Gather all necessary financial documents and create a comprehensive budget. This will help you understand your income, expenses and outstanding debts or liabilities. A clear picture of your financial standing is crucial to making informed decisions.
Care of Your Children
Let go of anger and blame. If you want your child(ren) to survive your divorce mentally and emotionally, it comes down to understanding one factor – the level of conflict you have with the other parent. The higher and longer your child experiences conflict between you and the other parent, the greater the likelihood you are destroying your child’s ability to love, trust, feel safe, and meaningfully attach in future relationships.
It’s natural to experience feelings of anger and blame during a divorce. However, as you enter the new year, you must let go of these emotions that can weigh you down. Holding onto anger and placing blame only prolongs your healing process and hinders personal growth.
Instead, focus on forgiveness – not for your ex-partner’s sake, but for your peace of mind. Release negative energy by acknowledging your emotions and finding healthy outlets. Remember, letting go doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning past actions; it means freeing yourself from negativity.
Commit to making only parenting decisions that promote your child(ren)’s best interests. The best interest of children is a very vague and fluid concept. To help understand, commit to only making parenting decisions that focus on these points: Does my parenting action make my child safe or safer? Does my parenting action help my child love or be loved without fear? Does my parenting action help my child develop or reach his/her best potential? If the answer is “no,” then simply don’t do it. How much parenting is accomplished by picking your battles? That concept applies here and must last longer than two weeks in January!
Create a co-parenting plan. Divorce can be incredibly challenging for parents. It often involves navigating through the complexities of co-parenting. It’s crucial to establish a solid co-parenting plan that prioritizes the well-being of your children.
Keep in mind that flexibility is crucial in successful co-parenting. Life circumstances change, so remain open to adjustments when necessary.
Finding Yourself After Divorce
Finding yourself after a divorce takes time. However, with the right support, you can do it.
We’re here to navigate you through these troubled waters. Give us a call at (918) 582-1211 in Tulsa or (405) 319-3500 in Oklahoma City to schedule a consultation.
