Did you know there is a spike in the number of couples divorcing in January? This has led to many people calling it Divorce Month. There are several theories speculating about why this is the case.
However, one thing remains true – going through a divorce around the holidays is hard, whether you have children or not. While we all associate the holidays with joy and togetherness, the reality (for most adults) is that the holiday season is one filled with stress. This stress is exponentially compounded when you are going through a divorce or custody battle during the holidays. However, there are ways to cope or even thrive if you are going through a divorce during the holidays.
Start Planning Ahead
When you’re feeling less like rocking around the Christmas tree, you need a plan! It’s easy to allow yourself to feel the blues that come with a divorce. We’re not saying you shouldn’t either.
However, it would be best if you didn’t allow yourself to get caught in it. Make a plan for the days when the stress becomes too much.
Cooperate for Holiday Visitation – In Advance
If you have children, deciding who has the kids during the holidays is a challenge. No one wants to miss out on that precious family time.
Therefore, you should make a plan well in advance of the holiday regarding where the children will be and when. This means cooperating with your ex-spouse to coordinate activities and visits that may involve a lot of moving parts (such as out-of-town visitors). Waiting until the last second will lead to stress and will likely leave you without recourse if there is a disagreement – especially since the court system cannot move fast enough to resolve expedited holiday visitation controversies.
While you may have fond memories of a very specific holiday routine that has been in place for years, divorce means things will not be the same, but this is where you can start creating new traditions. For example, maybe Dad has the kids on Christmas Eve, and Mom has them on Christmas. You can even switch it up from year to year.
Also, be willing to be accommodating. While you may be relieved that you no longer have to spend the holidays with your ex-spouse’s family, your children likely do not feel that way, and they should be encouraged to have quality time with the extended family of both parents. Things will be different than they were before, and your children should be able to normalize their holiday experience as much as possible. Having a parent who is not willing to accommodate the children seeing the other side of their family puts the children in an awkward and difficult position.
Coordinate Gifts
When you’re divorcing with children, the ability to co-parent is crucial. You will need to continue talking about different decisions, including holiday gifts. The last thing you want is for Junior to suddenly have two bikes because Mom and Dad didn’t talk.
Talk to each other about what each parent will buy, and make sure fun vs. practical is balanced. One parent shouldn’t be left to buy socks while the other buys the cool gift. Consider investing in big gifts together. Again – communication WELL IN ADVANCE of the holiday is key.
Be Cost Conscious
Regarding gifts, it is important to make sure that you do not spread yourself too thin during the holidays, especially when going through a divorce. Many families see their incomes drop in half, but their expenses double during the early phases of a divorce and it may not be possible to spend as much as you are used to. This does not just apply to gifts, but all aspects of holiday spending, including Christmas light installation, fancy meals or cocktails and Christmas-related activities. Do not add to your stress by spending more than you can afford for the sake of appearances.
Practice Self-Care
Whether you’re going through a divorce or not, self-care is essential during the holidays. Take time to take care of yourself and address stress and anxieties before they become crippling.
Sort through your emotions by calling a friend. Talk to family or use another positive coping strategy to help you keep moving. Treat yourself to a massage, read your favorite book, or take yourself on a date to the movies. Do something that allows you to invest back in yourself.
Find the Right Divorce Lawyer to Help
Whether you’re divorcing alone vs. divorcing with children, navigating the holidays during a divorce is a challenge. Take the time to make plans and spend time with the people you love and find the right lawyer to be your advocate during this time. We’re here to guide you on the right path.
