Did you know that relationship problems, money and mental health are the topics that Americans have the most challenges with discussing? When you’re going through a divorce, these conversation topics could potentially come into play. Having the conversation skills to work through them is crucial.
However, communicating with your spouse on a good day might be enough of a challenge. That’s why we have some helpful tips to build healthy communication skills during a divorce.
1. Effective Conversation Skills Require Active Listening
Listening is as important as talking. When you listen well, you encourage others to talk about what is most important to them. Sometimes a person can find a solution to a problem or discover the source of stress just by talking.
Active listening involves not only hearing what your spouse is saying but also making an effort to understand their perspective and feelings. Here are some simple ways to practice active listening.
Listen to the whole story. Avoid interrupting or jumping to conclusions before your spouse finishes speaking. Give your spouse the opportunity to communicate his/her thoughts, feelings, needs or desires without interrupting.
Listen to improve understanding by putting aside your opinions, thoughts or conclusions until you’ve heard what your spouse has to say. Allow your spouse to fully express thoughts without interruption so that both of you feel heard and valued.
It’s also helpful to give your full attention when your spouse is speaking. Put away distractions like phones or laptops, maintain eye contact and show genuine interest. This will help create a safe space for open communication.
Clarify meaning. Don’t assume. Ask questions to ensure your understanding. Paraphrasing and reflecting on what you’ve heard shows that you have understood their message correctly and allows them to clarify any misunderstandings. Repeat key points or emotions they expressed to demonstrate empathy. Ask questions such as, “Do you mean ____?” or “I understood you to say ____.”
2. Effective Expression of Feelings and Needs
Expressing your feelings and needs to your spouse effectively is crucial during a divorce. This is not the time for bottling up emotions or playing mind games. Open communication can help both parties understand each other better and potentially find common ground.
Learn to speak without attacking or blaming. Avoid starting a sentence with “you.” It sounds like an accusation or an invitation to fight (which it often is). Instead, describe how a behavior or situation affects you. Say “I think…”or, “I want…”or, “I feel…” For example, don’t say, “You always make me feel ignored.” This can cause the other party to go on the defense. Instead, say, “I feel ignored when we don’t have regular conversations.” This approach promotes understanding rather than defensiveness.
Be honest about how you feel. Share your emotions without blaming or attacking your spouse. Use “I” statements to take ownership of your feelings.
Describe your feelings. Don’t assume that other family members know your needs, feelings and opinions without you telling them. To express yourself clearly use “feeling” words like “sad,” “happy,” “excited,” “angry,” “worried,” etc.
3. Keeping Emotions in Check
Maintaining emotional stability requires keeping your emotions in check. This is crucial for effective communication.
Take a moment to pause and breathe before responding in heated moments. Regain control over your emotions. Prevent impulsive reactions that escalate situations. Moderate your tone. Unless someone is deaf, yelling across the table is not helpful. It may make you feel better, but the goal of communication is not to make you feel better – it is to understand and resolve conflict.
Try to approach discussions with empathy and understanding. During this difficult period, remember to acknowledge your spouse’s feelings. By doing so, you can create an atmosphere of mutual respect.
4. Consider Alternative Dispute Resolution
During alternative dispute resolution sessions, trained professionals guide couples through discussions on various issues. Spouses can foster more productive conversations through active listening techniques.
Engaging in alternative dispute resolution also helps keep emotions in check. That’s because the process emphasizes problem-solving. This approach encourages cooperation between spouses rather than fostering adversarial relationships commonly associated with courtroom battles.
Let Us Help with Your Divorce Communication
Having the conversation skills to navigate difficult situations is essential during a divorce. By using the tips above, you can improve your communication.
If professional legal advice is needed, then contact us to handle your dispute – it may be your best solution. We’re here to help.
